Ex-Guantanamo Prisoners Suing Rumsfeld

How interesting. At least, interesting in a way similar to how it might be interesting if an over-caffeinated squirrel scampered up and started gnawing on your ankle. Your ankle, not mine.

Rumsfeld is being sued by 11 Iraqis and 1 Saudi in German court for alleged war crime abuses in Guantanamo Bay. What a crock. Being held as a prisoner-of-war is all part of war. What part of "war" don't people understand? War is a brutal, messy, dreadful, but sometimes extremely necessary thing. People get hurt and - yes, don't gasp - killed during war.

Being held as a prisoner-of-war should not equate to being at the Club Med or even being held in a typical American prison (complete with color TV, hot showers, modern exercise equipment, free college education, and extremely well-balanced meals).

Of course, Angela Merkel and most of the German population are disgusted at the charges, but are bound by the inherent liberality of the German judicial system, which basically allows loonies like the 12 in question to prance in and sue away at whoever they please.

The so-called right to press suit against anyone for whatever reason at all has completely gotten out of hand. We have black people wanting white people to pay up due to what other people did over a hundred years ago (and why aren't they heading over to Africa to sue the tribes over there that originally sold their great-great-great-etcs into slavery?). We have people suing McDonalds over too-hot coffee. We have burglars suing the burgled due to overly dangerous house environments (ie., the burglar tripped on Junior's skateboard while burling and broke his leg). We have treehuggers suing loggers on behalf of the spotted owl (who probably doesn't give a &*#$ about the whole thing, but would be happy just to poop on anyone's head). And now we have prisoners-of-war suing those who imprisoned them and neglected to bring them their Kurans with sufficent humility and reverence.

What a crock.

Actress Assaults the Elderly

Apparently, this is news these days.

Some actress named Denise Richards, who ennobled the world by acting in Starship Troopers as well as Scary Movie 3 (both quality movies and worthy of being written and directed by Shakespeare, no doubt), scuffled with a paparazzi and, in the ensuing fracas, hurled the paparazzi's laptop over a balcony, whereupon the laptop succumbed to gravity and fell upon two elderly women two stories below with great force as if they were mere wheat beneath its sickle.

To make matters worse, one of the elderly women was wheelchair-bound and was thus unable to dive nimbly out of the way when she saw the laptop advancing upon her. Though, to be honest, I doubt whether she saw the laptop advancing upon her as most elderly these days don't spend a lot of time looking to the heavens (unless they're Pentecostals); rather, they spend a great deal of time admiring the flowers around them (if they happen to be strolling or rolling through a garden), or putting on their shoes (which strictly involves looking down), or looking around for their yapping poodle Fritzi (if they own such an abomination).

Now, my first question out of all of this, aside from the rather frightening topic of why this sort of story is news these days, why do we persist in calling such gatherers of non-news "paparazzi?" The word dehumanizes, not unlike the term "tissue blob" dehumanizes the unborn child. When one refers to the poor, defenseless (laptop-less) photographer merely out to make an honest living as "paparazzi," I suppose the next step is to pack them into cattle-cars and truck them off to Poland.

My second and last question prompted by this sordid tale is whether or not beautiful actresses (I'm assuming that Ms. Richards is beautiful as Hollywood tends to ignore those who are not - hence, the flourishing plastic surgery trade in southern California) have a great fear of the elderly. I suppose they see their steadily encroaching doom in the face of every elderly person they meet. Those wrinkles, that grey hair, the colostomy bag all await them, and no amount of time spent sweating in the gym and no amount of money spent on Botox can ever ultimately stem such a fate.

I wonder if Ms. Richards' attack on the poor little paparazzi (perhaps paparazzi aren't even human but are merely a species of small, shy Italian woodland creature?) was merely a pretext to allow her to work her violence on the octogenarians below?

Aliens Could Attack At Any Time!

No, I did not write that headline merely to sucker the gullible into reading this post.

The concern of imminent space-borne attack actually is that of Nick Pope, the recently resigned head of the UFO Project at Britain's Ministry of Defense.

Pope believes that Britain is being covertly observed by aliens that fly about in, well, flying ships. He's not sure if they have hostile intent, but it would be better to be prepared for the worst rather than expect them to merely land to pass out free doughnuts.

Which is why it's time to dig out your tinfoil hat.

Friends, Enemies, and the Wearing of the Men's Speedo

I wonder what Al-Qaeda thinks about the current election results? Was Osama bin-Laden and his various turbaned cronies watching the returns on CNN, popcorn and roast goat niblets in hand, rooting for Jim Webb to beat George Allen in Virginia? Did they cheer, fire their AK-47s in the air and shout "Allah Akhbar!" when Ted Kennedy was returned for another six years in the Senate? Did they bow to Mecca and spend a moment in thankful prayer when Tester beat Burns in Montana?

I don't know about the popcorn (as the Kuran is ominously silent on the subject of popcorn), but I rather think the rest might be plausible. The Democrat Party in general (except for Joe Lieberman, and he isn't a Democrat anymore) tends to favor cutting and running as a tactic in military conflicts, taking their foreign policy cues from the boldly Napoleonic strategies of the French (a nation which they admire and emulate in other matters as well, such as the public wearing of the men's speedo). One would conclude, then, that such military maneouvers would fit in well with al-Qaeda's own ideas about what is sensible strategy for their own fighters: a maneouver called Sibbawayh al-Tazallit, which basically involves boldly advancing on retreating enemies, shooting them in the buttocks and then shouting "Allah Akhbar" while dancing with one's camel.

All of which seems to favor the idea that, when it became clear that Nancy Pelosi was the new Speaker of the House, Hizbullah broke out the grape juice in glee, fired a few celebratory rockets into Israel, while singing a traditional Hizbullah melody: "Saddiqaya nur-Banni iyyah yah" (or "Celebrate good times, come on! Let's celebrate! [lyrics attributed by most sane people to a little-know 80s band called Kool and the Gang, though claimed as well by Hizbullah to be written by the Lebanese composer Muqtar al-Fanni]).

Buy Your Woodstove While You Still Can...

Ah...the inmates are running the asylum now. Barbara Boxer has just been named Chair of the Senate Environmental Public Works Committee. She has declared that one of her main goals will be cutting greenhouse gases, as she is greatly concerned about global warming.

Phooey. Policies generated by lunatic beliefs as shaky as a flamingo with two broken legs?

Next, we're going to see policies generated by a belief in the abominable snowman. Anyone peeing in the snow (ie., the critical habitat of the abominable s.) will be fined $10,000 and given two years in solitary. Affirmative action for tall, hairy people of indeterminate sex who live in the snow (ie., North Dakota, Minnesota or Tibet) and express themselves by grunting and bashing people over the head with icicles. Hate crimes against said hairy, abominable people will be prosecuted vigorously. The word "abominable" will be re-defined to mean "caring, debonair and good at mixing cocktails."

If people are really serious about curbing greenhouse gases, then they should stop eating legumes (that's "beans" to those of you who didn't go to college), cork up their cows (you know what I mean), and lobby against volcanoes (the worst perpetrators of all).

Alright, alright - out of deference to the fact that Senator Boxer is from my state of California, I'll shuffle into line behind her along with all the rest of the sheeple.

Stop Greenhouse Gases! Ban the Bean Burrito!

And buy yourself a woodstove while you can, before they're banned.

How Stupid Are We?

I guess in terms of politicans and politics, we get what we deserve. That is, we get what we collectively deserve.

We have just achieved our first Muslim Congressman: Keith Ellison from Minneapolis. He has quite a dark past: member of the Nation of Islam, fundraiser for CAIR (and CAIR did fund-raising for his campaign), outspoken anti-Semite, etc. One of the depressing thing about Ellison is that his background was quite public, easily accessible, well-documented on the internet, yet he still got elected.

(As an aside, don't even start your mental gymnastics concerning Islam being a religion of peace and all that codswallop. It ain't. It is what it is. Some things in life are closed-system concepts, such as basic mathematics. 2+2 is always going to equal 4. Gravity always means attracting forces exert between objects. The speed of light stays constant. These are all concepts, factoids, things that are inherently true to what they are, because if they weren't, then they would not exist. They don't change due to public opinion or what's new in popular culture or whether enough botoxed Hollywood stars are whining. It's the same with Islam. It is what it is, and the world-view itself, the concept, the philosophy, the religion as written down at certain times and places in history, codified in the Kuran and it's attendant theological works, is a freakishly evil piece of mind-thrash. So sue me for being a bigoted Westerner. I'm just saying 2+2 is 4.)

Here in lovely enlightened California, we just voted in a whole mess of bonds. Schools, water, parks, dams, levees, etc. Bonds basically mean shoving the future down a bankrupt hole. Hello future - we're gonna hurt you. Do people even know what they're voting for? I guess the average American isn't capable of living within their means, so why should I expect them to think their government should live within its means.

And it looks like Nancy Pelosi is going to be the Speaker of the House...

End times are good times.

The Fountain of Youth Discovered in Kansas Under Old Lady's Bed!

No, just kidding, though I suppose it might be true. Stranger things have happened.

Actually, I've just posted some songs to my songblog Tunescribble. Nope - they're not political. I'd advise you to drop everything and go listen to 'em. They'll change your life or at least maybe prompt you to have some cereal or something.