Friends, Enemies, and the Wearing of the Men's Speedo

I wonder what Al-Qaeda thinks about the current election results? Was Osama bin-Laden and his various turbaned cronies watching the returns on CNN, popcorn and roast goat niblets in hand, rooting for Jim Webb to beat George Allen in Virginia? Did they cheer, fire their AK-47s in the air and shout "Allah Akhbar!" when Ted Kennedy was returned for another six years in the Senate? Did they bow to Mecca and spend a moment in thankful prayer when Tester beat Burns in Montana?

I don't know about the popcorn (as the Kuran is ominously silent on the subject of popcorn), but I rather think the rest might be plausible. The Democrat Party in general (except for Joe Lieberman, and he isn't a Democrat anymore) tends to favor cutting and running as a tactic in military conflicts, taking their foreign policy cues from the boldly Napoleonic strategies of the French (a nation which they admire and emulate in other matters as well, such as the public wearing of the men's speedo). One would conclude, then, that such military maneouvers would fit in well with al-Qaeda's own ideas about what is sensible strategy for their own fighters: a maneouver called Sibbawayh al-Tazallit, which basically involves boldly advancing on retreating enemies, shooting them in the buttocks and then shouting "Allah Akhbar" while dancing with one's camel.

All of which seems to favor the idea that, when it became clear that Nancy Pelosi was the new Speaker of the House, Hizbullah broke out the grape juice in glee, fired a few celebratory rockets into Israel, while singing a traditional Hizbullah melody: "Saddiqaya nur-Banni iyyah yah" (or "Celebrate good times, come on! Let's celebrate! [lyrics attributed by most sane people to a little-know 80s band called Kool and the Gang, though claimed as well by Hizbullah to be written by the Lebanese composer Muqtar al-Fanni]).